


As Thick as Thieves

by definitely_a_textbook



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Gen, That should probably be included right?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-10-21 03:04:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17634821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/definitely_a_textbook/pseuds/definitely_a_textbook
Summary: It was strange how close the two of them had gotten. It hadn't been intentional. Yet, here they were. Beau didn't seem to mind it and Caleb was starting to believe it wasn't such a bad idea to have a friend.-This is going to be a series of one-shots I wanted to write because I love Beau and Caleb’s relationship. I sort of just want all of these shorter works in one place.-





	1. To Change Reality - Ep. 18

**Author's Note:**

> Beau asks Caleb why he's afraid of fire.

Beau hadn’t been sure why she’d wanted to pry into Caleb’s secrets so badly. She didn’t actually _need_ to know why he was terrified of fire, but when Caleb could hardly breathe when presented with the sight of it spilling from his own hands, she couldn’t help but let her curiosity get the best of her. That was probably just one of her many flaws people loved to shove in her face: curiosity. That, and her abrasiveness, her attitude, her particularly impressive ability to make just about anyone dislike her. Whatever. It didn’t matter. Caleb had asked for a favor, to be let into a Cobalt run library in Zadash, and Beau had seen her opportunity and ruthlessly taken it. How could she not have? He had laid it out so plainly. She would get him into the library and he would give her whatever she wanted in exchange. Easy, simple, practically harmless; at least, she’d thought it would be. She’d satisfy her sudden need to know and Caleb would get to pour over a bunch of dusty tombs for a few hours. Everybody would get what they wanted.

She’d put a lot of thought into why Caleb feared fire. He’d practically gone catatonic after he’d set an actual person on fire. He hadn’t even known where he was after she and Molly had dragged him out of that gnoll den, leaving a pair of manticore carcasses and a charred priest behind them. She’d brushed it aside when she overheard Caleb, still frazzled and barely speaking above a whisper, tell Nott over their hero’s feast, that he’d never killed someone like that before. It had been a pretty grizzly scene, after all. That could easily fuck anybody up. So, instead, she focused on the bandages around his arms; too dirty to be healthy against a wound and on for far too long to still be protecting tender flesh. She’d thought that there’d be old burn scars underneath, but Caleb had removed them in the bathhouse and his arms had seemed no more scarred than hers. Next, she’d thought of a house fire, innocently enough; an accident, a wild spark and a lost home. The guy was dirt poor, after all; the kind of man her father would refuse to acknowledge existed when he walked the streets of their home town. Caleb clung to his dirty coat like it was the last item he owned and his sorry state practically screamed a tale of living on the streets for a number of years. Losing a home to a house fire would ruin anyone’s life; even more so if you couldn’t afford the cost of building a new one.

In hindsight, Beau felt like she shouldn’t have asked. She didn’t know what she’d expected to hear, but she certainly didn’t expect him to admit to killing his own parents. Upon voicing his guilt, Beau was momentarily sent reeling. His parents? He’d killed his parents?

He didn’t fear fire, not really. He feared what he could do with fire.

The first thought that crossed her mind, after she’d collected herself, was probably better left unsaid forever. She couldn’t help but assume the best of Caleb and the absolute worst of his parents. What had they done to him to warrant their deaths? What awful things had they said or done to turn their own son against them? Maybe, they deserved it?

It surprised her to learn that Caleb had nothing but kind things to say about them. She almost felt a little disappointed in herself for assuming.

As a boy, Caleb had gone to the renowned Soltrice Academy that Fjord and Jester couldn’t stop talking about and he spoke highly of his experience there for a man that now feared the place. Trent Ikithon had taken Caleb and two of his classmates under his wing and that name made her shoulders tense. Beau remembered the creepy old man that had taken an interest in Yasha after their grand victory in the Victory Pit. Now, Beau felt a bit justified in her instincts, if not a bit scared of the implications. 

_“He hurt us a lot.”_

Beau didn’t understand how Caleb could say that aloud without realizing what was horribly wrong with a statement like that prefaced with an assurance that they’d had fun under Ikithon’s tutelage. 

_“We got strong_.” He said, like it made up for what that man did; like he was trying to convince her it did.

She had shaken her head, revolted by what she was hearing and terrified of what else Caleb had to say. She’d met that man today. She’d stood in the same room as a man that made children kill people that disagreed with the empire and its stupid laws, controlled by disgustingly ignorant men and women her father was all too eager to impress. He made children into murderers.

_“He made you… executioners.”_

_“We wanted to be.”_

That made Beau’s pounding heart skip a beat. She sat down on the bed beside Nott, her legs crossed underneath her, and attempted to appear calm. She wasn’t so sure it had worked. Nott kept glancing up at her warily, as if Beau would say something terrible if given the chance. She felt a little sick thinking about it. Caleb clasped his hands together a bit tighter from across the room, hunched in on himself, hiding in his dirty coat.

_“Caleb, you know that’s deeply fucked up, right?”_

He’d nodded, like he understood, but Beau wasn’t sure he did. That man had hurt him. That man taught him to behave in a way that never should have been an option. Caleb had to know that Ikithon wasn’t a good man. He had to understand that he’d been wronged. It seemed obvious to Beau, but Caleb didn’t seem to share in her mindset. When she’d interrupt, he’d pause for her, but when she was done, he’d go on like she’d said nothing at all.

Gasping for air like a drowning man, he explained that he’d gone home during a break from school. He’d heard his parents conspiring against the empire in the dead of night when they thought he was asleep. In that moment, Caleb had hated them. He’d been ashamed of them. He’d told Ikithon, his mentor, a man he believed he could trust, everything he’d heard and he did as he was told so that he could graduate, so that he could impress an adult that should have protected him. He paid no mind to how odd it was that his classmates had heard very similar things from their own parents.

He’d set his house on fire with his parents still inside and a lot of things began to make sense.

_“I broke.”_

 

In her own room, Beau couldn’t shake how sick to her stomach Caleb’s story had made her feel. She’d met the room service at the door and entered a room full of laughter with a platter full of food. Jester waved her in, welcoming her back with her bright, cheerful smile.

“Took you a while,” Fjord said, reaching out to take an apple slice after she held out the tray.

A moment later, Molly had burst in, clad in nothing but that dumb tapestry he’d found while dragging Caleb around the festival.

He’d sat down amongst them, much to Beau’s displeasure. Jester didn’t bat an eye and begged to play a game as if Molly wasn’t dressed the way he was. It couldn’t possibly be a proper sleepover without games, after all. Beau agreed to play. She wasn’t going to dampen the mood for her or anyone else. She’d promised to keep everything she’d heard a secret and she planned to honor that. It was the least she could do.

“Is Nott coming back?” Yasha had asked, but Beau had no idea. Caleb had shut the door behind Beau when she left. Nott hadn’t left with her.

_“You’re going to run again.” She’d crossed her arms over her chest. Everybody always left._

_“That all depends on you, Beauregard.” Caleb lifted his head just enough to look up at her._

_“On if I get you into the library?”_

_“On if you can keep a secret.”_

 

She’d been so engrossed in her own thoughts, pulling grapes of the small vine they’d been given and dropping them back down onto the platter, that she hadn’t notice Molly’s hand reaching for her face until it was too late to pull away. He squeezed her cheeks a few times, forcing the corners of her lips together. “What’s gotten you looking so grim?”

She grabbed for his wrist, but he was already letting go before she made contact. The maneuver only served to keep his hand within her personal bubble. He noticed at the same time she had and grinned. She shoved his hand away and glared. “What do you want?”

“You look upset.” He dropped the grin and nudged her arm with his own, “Something wrong?”

She grimaced.

_“You’re going to run again.”_

_“That all depends on you, Beauregard.”_

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“…Alright” Molly shrugged, but held her gaze as if he wanted to push for more, “If you say so.”

“You kind of look like you’re going to throw up,” Jester said. She pulled her water skin from her pack and held it out to her.

Beau shook her head and pushed it away. “I’m fine… Who’s turn was it?”

Fjord fell asleep on the floor of their room clutching a pillow Jester had placed beneath his head. Molly left soon after, claiming to be happy to sleep without a certain roommate’s snoring. Beau tried to sleep, but she couldn’t. She sat awake in her bed, her friends’ sleeping figures barely visible in the dark. Her ears strained to listen for movement outside their door.

_“Anyone can make lights. Anyone can send a message through a wire. I want to bend reality to my will.”_

The ‘girls’ room’ was position close to the stairs and if Nott and Caleb planned to leave, Beau hoped she could catch them walking past it. She stayed up for what seemed like hours, pretending that the only reason she was still awake was because the stupid bed was too soft and Fjord wouldn’t stop snoring. Eventually, her drowsiness hampered her plan and she awoke to the sun in her face and the pillow Fjord had been given tossed back onto the foot of the bed. Fjord was gone.

“He went to ask the others what they want for breakfast,” Jester explained, reapplying her makeup in the room’s vanity mirror, “I didn’t want to wake you, so I said you’d want eggs and bacon.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much what I want,” Beau assured her as she leaned over Jester’s shoulder to check her own appearance. Her mascara was smeared across her eyes a little worse than usual. She guessed that the needlessly expensive formula she’d stolen from her mother’s collection was finally letting her down after her third day of wearing it.

She left for the door, intending to find a washroom to wash her face only to be stopped by a filthy coat blocking her path. Beau looked up, finding Caleb blinking down at her, fist raised to knock on the door. He dropped his hand to his side, awkwardly opening and closing it. “Good morning, Beauregard.”

“Morning.”

“Is that Caleb?” Jester called from the vanity. “Hello, Caleb!”

Caleb looked over Beau’s head into the room and smiled that reluctant smile he reserved for when Molly tried to hang off of him or when Jester tried her best to make him laugh. The look in his eyes would never quite make it past a sad kind of weary.

“I was hoping… We are still going to the library?”

“Yeah,” Beau replied with barely a hint of hesitation. She’d made him a deal and he’d already upheld his end. She wasn’t about to break her promise now just because she’d barely slept and her eyelids still felt heavy. Caleb watched her skeptically, like he thought she’d take it all back at the first sign of eagerness.

“Ooh, a library?” Jester cooed as she painted a bit of deep blue lip balm onto her lips, “Sounds _pretty_ boring.”

“Will you have time?” Yasha asked from her corner of the room, quietly running her fingers over her little notebook of flowers. “Molly said he wanted to leave today. He saw a lot of soldiers this morning.”

“We’ll talk about it over breakfast,” Beau suggested, the memory of that tower collapsing still fresh in her mind, “but we’re going to the library. We’ll probably be out of here by tonight.”

“Okay,” Jester crooned, batting her long eyelashes at the two of them, “But if you take too long, we’ll leave without you.”

Caleb chuckled weakly like he couldn’t tell if she was joking or not and wasn’t sure if he was supposed to laugh. That smile was back, but it was more strained than usual. Beau pushed passed him, thankful he was still around, but eager to get away.

After breakfast, their group split up and Caleb dragged Beau and Nott to the library. She sat for hours, bored out of her mind as Caleb searched for ways to… to what? Bring his parents back? Get rid of Trent? Change the past? Do the literal impossible? She laid her head down on her folded arms and listened to Caleb mumble whatever he read under his breath. She’d give him another hour and then she’d tell him they needed to leave. Beau had a bad feeling about whatever Caleb had convinced himself he needed to do. She wasn’t going to let him hurt himself trying to do it.

“Hey, Caleb?”

She wasn’t going to let him hurt himself.


	2. Frumpkin the Owl - Ep. 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caleb wants to improve Beau's mood after she lost Professor Thaddeus.

Beauregard had leaned over the railing of what was now their boat, to the best of Caleb’s understanding, and screamed the name of her lost pet at the top of her lungs for longer than what was probably necessary. The rancorous owl couldn’t hear her, that much was obvious. They must have been too far from shore, but Caleb couldn’t even remember a time the lovingly named Professor Thaddeus had actually come when called. Caleb could be generous and assume the animal to be alive, only out of earshot, rather than dead by the docks, but the scene they had just left behind had been rather… chaotic. Hopefully, he had flown off; for Beauregard’s sake, at least.

Caleb had taken to watching her. She’d been quiet for a while, confident that her owl wasn’t coming, but Fjord had convinced her that perhaps the Professor was simply too slow to catch up and needed a little help. So, he’d slowed their ship and Beauregard had tried yelling again.

She gave up again a few minutes later, seemingly more dejected than she had been before. However, it didn’t particularly matter where Professor Thaddeus was, because Caleb had a plan.

Below deck, Caleb had used some of what remained of his incense to turn his poor cat into a bird. He had thought about turning Frumpkin into a close replica of Thaddeus’ breed of owl, but decided against it. Professor Thaddeus was an imposing figure, on the larger side and clearly difficult to keep out of trouble. That wouldn’t do if they wanted to keep Frumpkin around. Beauregard also seemingly had a soft spot for cute things despite her rough exterior. Still, if he was wrong and Beauregard didn’t appreciate his attempt to improve her mood, he would take Frumpkin back without much complaint.

Frumpkin chirped from within his coat and spurred Caleb to take a step forward and do what he set out to do.

“Beauregard?”

The woman pulled herself away from the side of the boat to look at him. She sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. “What’s up, Caleb?”

“You know… I want to thank you. You could have told these people anything about me and you haven’t.” She still could. Caleb wasn’t an idiot. There wasn’t much he could do if she decided to finally accept that he deserved to be condemned and told their friends everything. He’d deserve it for revealing everything to the first person who asked. All he could do now was attempt a few preventative measures; show her he appreciated what she was doing for him.

“Yeah, well… Don’t give me that much credit. I still could.” She smirked up at him, as if she had read his mind. Caleb’s mind stuttered for a moment, leaving him unsure how to continue.

He attempted to quietly clear his throat. “I know. You have every right to – I hope you don’t. I don’t know how all of them would handle it.” They’d leave him here in the middle of the ocean. He knew they would.

Beau frowned. She glanced away to watch Fjord dish out a few orders to the crew they’d hired. When her eyes met his again, Caleb felt compelled to look away. There was something like pity in her eyes and he hated it.

“Be that as it may,” Caleb turned slightly to reach into his coat and coaxed Frumpkin onto his hand, “I have something for you.”

“What?” Beau asked before blinking silently at the sight of Frumpkin’s new form. She had pulled back, her arms nearly braced to fight off whatever he presented her with. Perhaps he shouldn’t have tried to surprise her. Still, it couldn’t have been all bad, because after a brief moment, she relaxed her posture and hesitantly reached out to touch Frumpkin’s feathers, her fingertips just shy of actually touching him.

“What… What is he?” She seemed frozen, her hand tentatively held out. Caleb sat Frumpkin on Beauregard’s shoulder – her hand followed, but never touched – and mentally asked Frumpkin to stay where he was and behave as sweetly as possible. He hopped along her shoulder, seeking a steady place to perch.

“He is an Elf Owl.” It had been the smallest owl he could think of. He was fairly certain it was the smallest breed of owl in the world and, arguably, the cutest.

“He’s so small,” Beau murmured.

Caleb nodded, pleased that she actually seemed to like his gift. “Ja, he weighs one ounce.”

“One?” 

“One ounce and he is very fragile, so be-,” Beau poked Frumpkin in the stomach, “-careful.”

Frumpkin bristled at her touch, the feathers on the back of his tiny head rising and large yellow eyes squinting. Caleb quickly told him to lean into the touch and pretend she was just petting him. His discomfort quickly switched to begrudging enjoyment. Beau held out her finger for Frumpkin to step onto and Caleb willed him to do as Beauregard pleased. Frumpkin took a careful step forward and Beauregard nearly gasped at the sight.

“So, a couple rules. He will listen to you. Will you listen, Frumpkin?”

Frumpkin nodded, mostly because Caleb wanted him to. Good. This plan wouldn’t have worked if Frumpkin just decided he wasn’t going to listen for once.

“He will?” Beauregard’s eyes flickered up to meet his. 

“Of course.” Caleb reached out and gave Frumpkin one last scratch under his chin. Frumpkin tilted his head back in response, closed his eyes, and cooed. He would miss him, but this was for a good cause. “You can have him for one week.”

After Caleb pulled his hand away, Beauregard mimicked what he’d done. Frumpkin cooed again and shifted closer to receive better scratches. Beauregard giggled quietly, a sound Caleb found surprising to hear come from her. She unsuccessfully covered it with a cough.

“Cool. Great.”

Caleb bit back a smile. “So… Thank you.”

“Th-… Thanks… Caleb.” She began to stroke Frumpkin’s back, pulling him in close.

“You are very welcome.” Caleb stepped away to let her enjoy her time with his cat.

 

“What in the world is that?” Fjord asked, baffled. Caleb looked over from his spot across the deck, wedged against the railing and a crate to keep himself away from the crew that bustled around every few minutes. “Where’d you get that?”

Fjord gestured to Beauregard’s lap where Frumpkin hopped across her legs, following something she held out for him. “Caleb said he’s an Elf Owl or something,” Beauregard explained and smiled when Frumpkin caught up and ate from her hand. He then promptly dropped whatever she had given him. “Come one, dude, you didn’t even eat it.”

“Well, quit teasin’ it if you’re trying to get to eat,” Fjord suggested and pointed at Frumpkin again. “But, seriously, where did you get it?”

Beauregard picked Frumpkin up from her lap, the tiny owl just the right size to fit securely in her grip. Caleb hoped she wasn’t holding him too tightly. He quickly checked in, just a quick request for Frumpkin to share how he felt. 

It was claustrophobic, unsurprisingly.

Beauregard set Frumpkin on her shoulder proudly, “It’s Frumpkin.”

“Oooh,” Fjord nodded and frowned. “Ain’t all that useful like that, is he?”

“He’s totally useful!” Beauregard shouted unconvincingly, “You’ll see.”

Caleb forced back a smile. It was about time more of the Mighty Nien started appreciating Frumpkin. Although, he had to admit, Beauregard hadn’t quite mastered owning a familiar yet.

 

On Avantika’s ship, Caleb found himself regretting lending out Frumpkin for an entire week. He probably should have picked a shorter period of time, in hindsight. Although, it wouldn’t be difficult to simply ask Beauregard if he could see Frumpkin when they were together. The following conversation, however, would be unbearable, he thought. So, he suffered through the week, resigned to the decision he’d made.

Surprisingly, it was Beauregard who brought Frumpkin to him before the week was over. She sat down across from him at breakfast, placing the bird down on the table between their plates. “He doesn’t need to eat, right? I remember you saying that once.”

Caleb nodded, feeling sorry for Frumpkin. Now free from Beauregard’s pocket, he shook out his feathers and stretched his wings. “He doesn’t need to, but he likes to.”

“I can’t get him to eat stuff, though,” Beauregard explained and pet Frumpkin’s head.

“You have to tell him to.” Caleb took a small bit of jerky from his plate and held it out to Frumpkin. At his command, Frumpkin took the meat and swallowed it. “You’ll have to say it out loud, though.”

“Oh,” Beauregard replied, nodding. She grabbed a larger piece of jerky from her plate and broke it apart to make it smaller. She held out a piece to Frumpkin. “Eat… Is that how you-?” Frumpkin snatched the jerky from her fingers.

She laughed, “Oh, shit! It worked and he didn’t bite me.”

Caleb frowned. Had she been expecting him to? “Did your bird bite you?”

“Oh, yeah. All the time.”

Maybe, they were better off without Professor Thaddeus. The Professor was probably having a better time away from them, as well. He might have been a little too difficult to train.

Frumpkin cooed as Beauregard stroked his feathers. She smiled contently. Maybe, Caleb didn’t regret this. He reached out and stroked the feathers on Frumpkin’s chest with his knuckles. 

“I think really he likes me,” Beauregard said as Frumpkin closed his eyes and leaned into her touch.

Caleb nodded. Frumpkin liked everything he liked. “I know he does.”

Yeah, this wasn’t such a terrible idea, after all. 


	3. Quiet Conversation - Ep. 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beau tries to be a mediator.  
> (Nobody explained the room situation that night, so I will.)

Dinner at the Gold-Peel Tavern and Lodge was shrouded in hushed conversation. Caduceus promised to have something to tell them about Yezza in the morning and Nott hung on every word. Jester kept a smile on her face, a gentler and sadder smile than the ones she put on to pretend that everything was okay. She didn't push to force anyone to laugh. She just hummed to herself and showed off her doodles to anyone she could extend the journal out to.

Caleb, unsurprisingly, didn’t eat much and excused himself from the table once they had some semblance of the plan for the following morning. Fjord handed off his room key and Caleb disappeared up the stairs. Normally, Nott would have happily finished his food for him, but he hadn’t pushed his plate toward her and she made no move to grab it.

Slowly but surely, they all finished their meals and trickled up to their rooms one by one. Beau had been last up the stairs, feeling compelled to help Caduceus pick up their dishes and hand them back to the tavern owner. He decided to stay up a bit longer, confiding in her that he felt a little too anxious to sleep just yet. Beau had wished him a good night, asked for a candle to light her way now that the natural light of the sun had passed and she was the only one left in the dim tavern’s glow without dark vision.

She stopped at the top of the stairs, uncertain which room was actually hers. She turned her head down the hallway and recognized Jester’s muffled voice through the second door on her left. Beau glanced to her right, ready to take a step toward her room, only to find Nott standing alone in the dark.

Nott glanced back, large ears twitching in Beau’s direction as the floorboards creaked underneath her feet as she stepped closer. She frowned up at her, wringing her hands a foot away from the door to the room she was supposed to be sharing with Caleb. “I – I don’t…” She turned back toward the door and shook her head.

“He didn’t lock you out, did he?” Beau didn’t want to think Caleb would, but Beau had been given a front row seat to a rift that had definitely formed between the two. Nott had lashed out and Caleb had just fallen apart. Fjord had asked for the same number of rooms as they always did when the inns they stayed in had enough space to spare. Fjord and Caduceus had remained roommates since their extended stay in Zadash and Jester and Yasha had taken the key to the final room with Beau’s things in tow with the assumption she’d join them later. No one had really thought about what Caleb and Nott would do.

“No,” Nott said with another shake of her head, “No, I just… I normally sleep at the end of the bed, but… I don’t know if he wants to see me.”

Beau glanced toward the door. “I could, uh,” she gestured toward it with her candle holder, “I could ask him.”

Nott’s nose wrinkled at her suggestion.

“Seriously,” Beau bristled defensively, “I’ll just ask him if he’d rather have a room by himself and if he does, you can bunk with me and the rest of the girls.”

Nott met her gaze with large pleading eyes and sighed. She took a step back and nodded towards the door. “Please?”

There hadn’t been a lot of confidence in Nott’s face when she allowed Beau the space to enter the room. Beau knew that she and Caleb had a difficult time communicating, but they had managed something productive today. They hadn’t fought a single time.

Beau knocked first, hoping to get a response before she just burst in. She had thought that Caleb would have been awake. He’d bought a few books back in Nicodranas, after all. He was practically always rereading them, but a moment passed and she didn’t get a response, so she reached for the doorknob.

Beau’s candle illuminated the dark room around her. She let the door slowly swing shut behind her and quietly crept toward the bed. Caleb had curled himself underneath a thin blanket, his feet pulled away from the end of the bed. He was still and quiet. He seemed to be asleep and she wasn’t so certain he’d be happy with being woken up after how difficult their day had been. She’d promised Nott she’d help, though, and she had wanted to talk to Caleb alone a while ago, but hadn’t gotten the chance.

Beau set her candle down on the bedside table and reached out to touch his shoulder.

“J-Ja?” She hadn’t even touched him. It wouldn’t surprise her if he’d never actually been asleep at all. His voice was scratchy, weak and underused, before he coughed quietly and tried again. “Ja?”

“Hey.” Beau touched his shoulder over the thin blanket he’d wrapped around himself and gave it a light squeeze. “Sorry… to wake you up, I guess.”

Caleb glanced over his shoulder at her and then at her hand, allowing Beau a momentary glimpse of bloodshot eyes before he rolled back onto his side. “Wasn’t really asleep. Not long anyway.”

“Right.” Beau sat down on the bed, feeling awkward just leaning over him. For a split second, she wanted to ask if he’d been crying, if he’d left dinner early because he didn’t want the rest of them to see it. She didn’t ask, because she didn’t think he’d appreciate it. She didn’t want to fight with him.

After another moment or two in silence, her hand still on Caleb’s arm, sitting began to feel awkward too so, Beau let go and laid down, her back pressed against Caleb’s as she forced herself to fit onto the mattress without spilling off. Caleb tensed for a moment, but relaxed almost as quickly. He shifted a bit closer to the wall and Beau moved into the space he provided for her. In hindsight, he might have been trying to escape her invasion of his personal bubble, but it was too late to correct it without looking like she was trying to get away from him. Besides, he wasn’t attempting to merge with the wall, so Beau allowed herself to be the slightest bit optimistic. 

She realized that although she had wanted to talk with him, she didn’t know how to begin. If she started with Nott, the conversation would come to an end and she’d just need to leave. 

Today had been, arguably, a pretty awful day. Maybe not for her, but for Nott – a halfling and not always globin – who had lost her husband to kidnappers. She’d been so thrown by Nott’s confession that when they had finally managed to convince Caleb that it was his turn to speak, Beau had been selfishly glad to hear a secret she already knew. 

Caleb dashed those hopes immediately. Veth and Bren. Death and human experimentation. Nott and Caleb, her friends. She didn’t know what to think. She just knew she felt awful for them.

Nott wanted to be Veth again, desperately. Did Caleb want to be Bren? Could he change her when he had the power? Would he change himself, and his past, too?

“You didn’t tell them about – you know – your parents.” She whispered it, unable to say it any louder, unnecessarily afraid that if she spoke too loudly their friends would hear Caleb’s secrets through the walls. Maybe, if she spoke too loudly, Caleb would make her leave; he’d shut her out again.

She felt him shudder. He huffed out a trembling breath disguised as a poor excuse for a laugh.

“Not that you – It’s fine. We asked for a lot. You did really good.” She’d tried to get him to say more. Tried to ask a few questions, as if she didn’t already know the answer, to keep him talking. She’d backed off after a while, when all he could tell her was that he hadn’t known the meaning of what he’d read at the time and that he was certain he was using them, because he needed them to stay alive. It felt wrong to keep pushing when he’d met her eyes with a silent plea to just believe what he was telling her; to understand that he was telling the truth the best he could.

“…Sure.”

“Just curious, is all.”

Caleb shifted again and Beau glanced over her shoulder and caught him wrapping his arms tighter around himself.

“They asked…” his voice died off. Beau laid her head back down against their shared pillow and stayed quiet, waiting. “They asked about my connections to those people, to the empire, what I knew about them. You asked me why I was afraid of fire. They did not.”

“Okay.” It wasn’t okay. “Cool.” It wasn’t okay that Caleb refused to do anything but carry the burden of his past alone, when they were more than willing to help lighten his load and chuck the garbage to the side. “No problem, man. You said a lot.”

Caleb stayed quiet for a moment.

“You okay after all of that? You’re kind of hard to read sometimes.”

“You all are difficult for me to read, as well.”

They’re both fell silent again. 

Beau didn’t have much else to say. She’d thought she’d had a lot more, but now she just wasn’t sure what it had been.

“…Thank you.”

“What?” She’d barely caught what he’d said, she almost thought she’d imagined it.

“Thank you, again. For not telling them. For trying,” he whispered.

“Oh…” Beau swallowed her pride for a moment, forced that awful ‘I-told-you-so’ somewhere deep where she wouldn’t accidentally say it to defend herself from some imagined affront. She’d promised him she’d keep her mouth shut about what he’d told her and she had kept that promise and would continue to do so. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Caleb sighed, resigned. “I know.”

Beau inhaled deeply before she spoke again. “Also, uh… About that. About Nott?”

“Ja?”

“Nott said a lot of things today.”

“…Ja.”

“Are you guys gonna be okay?”

Caleb sniffled and shrugged. “I always thought she would… She hasn’t come to bed. I assumed she’d gone to the girl’s room.”

“And that she left you here alone?”

“Is that why you are here? I heard what you said, Beauregard. I am not running.” _Not yet,_ hung in the air, churning Beau’s stomach.

“I’m here ‘cause Nott wanted to know if she could sleep here tonight. She didn’t know if you wanted to see her or not.” 

She felt Caleb turn to look at her, so Beau did the same. In the candlelight, it was hard to ignore the tears that had yet to fall. It felt wrong in a way Beau hadn’t expected. She’d seen him cry before. She’d watched him sob as he forced himself to tell her the atrocities he’d committed. She’d thought she’d seen a few tears when they’d put Molly in the ground. She never knew what to say when faced with that, from him, from any of their friends. It was distressingly disarming to see a person she cared for cry. 

“Of course, she is welcome,” he whispered with enough sincerity to make Beau’s heart clench. “Of course.” 

Beau nodded, “Great. I’ll let her know.” She sat up and Caleb frowned. 

“You are leaving?” 

“Yeah, I mean. This bed’s definitely not big enough for three people. You guys ended up with, like, a single suite or something." 

Caleb nodded along, looking toward the wall he’d pressed himself against. 

“Good night, Beauregard.” 

Beau reached out and pat him on the arm before standing up. “Night, Caleb.” 

She left, grabbing her candle as she passed. She found Nott peeking through the door. She rushed in after Beau opened it wide enough for her. 

“Caleb?” Nott murmured as she climbed onto the bed. Caleb sat up and welcomed her into his arms. Beau smiled and carefully shut the door behind her. 


	4. The Smell of Smoke - Ep. 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nott has a run in with lava and flames.

They ran. They ran as the walls of rock shuddered around them, the sentinel in the distance breaking through five feet of rock to get to them. Beauregard clung to Nott, her speed finally slowing just from the strain of it all. The smell of burning flesh and hair coated Caleb’s nose and throat. He coughed and sputtered as he tried to breathe in clean air, but there was nowhere for the smoke to go underground. Eventually, when the walls no longer shook and the heat dissipated, Fjord, at the head of their group, slowed their movement to a crawl just so they all could catch their breath. Caleb could barely stay on his feet.

“Guys?” Beauregard held Nott out to Jester and Caduceus, her arms trembling, burnt red and bubbling. Nott looked far worse that Beauregard from what little Caleb had caught a glimpse of; the burns, the blood. He forced himself to turn away when he felt darkness edging into the corners of his vision. He blinked his eyes shut, tears spilling over, and just tried to breathe.

He thought he could hear his mother’s screams or maybe he was just hearing Nott’s.

Caleb jolted when he felt a hand clap his shoulder. He turned and was disappointed to find Fjord’s hand there. He struggled to catch his breath and Fjord frowned. Almost regretfully, Fjord asked, “Do you think you can make that bubble of yours?”

Yes, of course, he could.

Caleb opened his mouth to tell him so, but nothing came out. Immediately terrified, he clamped his mouth shut and shrunk away from Fjord’s touch. This couldn’t be happening. Not now. Not when they still needed his help. He’d thought he’d begun to get over this. He’d barely even seen the fire, his gaze focused on the Sentinel he’d polymorphed into an octopus.

He sucked in a deep breath and held it. He could taste the smoke.

Caleb fought to speak, fought to stay in the present. He attempted to force himself to look Fjord in the eyes, but he quickly found himself staring past them. Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Fuck, Caleb,”Beauregard's voice pierced through the panic. Caleb turned his head in the direction of her voice, disappointed in how desperate he was for the familiarity of her presence. He took a reluctant step in her direction only to stumble back at the sight of her arms.

She held out her hands to him, the skin peeling where they’d been burnt. He didn’t want them near him, not when he knew what had caused her pain.

“Hey, man, it’s okay,” Beauregard stepped closer the further back Caleb attempted to go. His back hit the rock wall and she touched the wrist he had put up to defend himself. “Nott’s gonna be fine.”

Caleb quickly shut his eyes, desperate not to look.

“Beau,” he heard Caduceus chime in, “I don’t think he wants to be touched right now.”

Fjord grimaced, “We’ve lost him for a bit then, huh?”

“It was the fire,” Jester confirmed, sounding completely certain and distressingly anxious. “This happens when people are on fire, right?”

Beauregard stepped back, removing her hand from Caleb’s. Caleb opened his eyes. Beauregard hadn’t gone far.

The screaming had stopped. Caleb took another deep breath and forced himself to keep forcing air into his lungs. If he didn’t, he was terrified his body would forget how.

Jester rustled through her bags and pulled out a small tin. “Here, Beau. Put this on the burns.” She held out a salve to her, a burn ointment presumably. Beauregard glanced in her direction, hesitantly leaving Caleb’s side to grab it. As Beauregard stepped aside, she no longer blocked Caleb’s view of Nott, her limp body in Caduceus’s lap, coated in a dim glow.

Caleb clumsily stumbled forward, his arms outstretched, wordlessly begging to hold her. He couldn’t ask to see her. His voice wouldn’t work. He hoped Caduceus would understand. Caleb waited and his arms growing tired from the strain of holding them there. Still, he waited.

Thankfully, he eventually felt Nott’s comforting weight in his arm. He held her close, pressing her to his chest and sinking to the ground. He caressed the back of her head, finding the hair there burnt short amongst the longer strands the still framed her face. Caleb was surprised by how whole she seemed. He was too scared to investigate what was hidden beneath the blanket Caduceus had wrapped her in. However, for as far as he was willing to investigate, Nott seemed to be doing okay.

She was asleep in his arms and he hoped that when she woke up, she wouldn’t be in any pain.

Caleb lost himself in stroking her hair, unable to see anything other than her.

He flinched, gasping sharply, when Beauregard dropped down beside him. “Sorry,” she muttered and nudged his shoulder with her own before leaning away to make sure they weren’t touching.

“How long do you think he’s gonna be like that?” Fjord asked, concern slipping into his tone.

“Depends,” Beauregard said, “It varies a lot.”

“He ended up… like this, uh,” Caleb heard Fjord shuffle his feet, “in Darktow? He blew up the ship.”

“Shit, that was him?” Beauregard shifted in Caleb’s periphery, “I knew he looked a little off when you guys walked in.”

Is this what they always did? Talk around him? It felt strange being so present when he normally lost moments like this to his own mind. He decided he didn’t like it very much.

Caleb slowly reached over and Beauregard didn’t move. He softly grabbed her arm above where the burns ended on her forearm. She hadn’t applied new wrappings to replace the ones that burned away or with simple bandages to cover the burns that remained there. 

They hadn’t healed her?

No, no, they must have.

It looked less severe than Caleb had remembered in the brief moment he had seen them before. Her arms were pink and raw, but the flesh didn’t seem like it had been boiling only a few moments prior.

“Hey, Caleb,” Beauregard pat his hand. He flinched, worried that touching his hand would hurt her palm. She moved her hand away the moment she noticed. “We aren’t going anywhere. Take your time.”

“You, uh…” Caleb’s voice scratched against his throat, the words stuck somewhere he couldn’t quite reach.

Beauregard turned back to him, surprised. Caleb let his gaze flicker up to meet hers, only to find that the entire room was watching him. Caleb looked away, meeting Beauregard’s burns, and then finally landing on his own hand above them. “You should… put more.”

Beauregard frowned and leaned in a bit. “What?”

“The burn ointment,” Caleb gestured toward her arms, “You should…”

“Oh,” Beauregard shrugged, “I mean, I guess I could. I was just gonna leave it for Jester and Cad after they rested a bit.”

“Did they…?” Caleb blinked, tired and frustrated.

“They took care of most of it,” Beauregard shrugged, “but Nott needed it more than I did, so… It’s whatever.”

“Our ideas… They never quite go as planned.”

She laughed and Caleb would have smiled with her if he had the energy. “You’re telling me.”

“I have a feeling this trip was a bad idea.”

“Probably. No going back now, though.”

Caleb nodded and closed his eyes. He needed a minute to rest his eyes, just a minute. He’d get up in a minute and help them find a place to sleep for the night, if it even was night. He just needed a minute.

When Caleb blinked his eyes open, Nott had seemingly readjusted herself in his lap so that she was no longer laying on her back but on her side. Beauregard was still beside him, his hand still on her arm, but, strangely, the burns were wrapped. Caleb jolted, suddenly aware of how long he’d been unaware. Two hours. Two hours wasted. Two hours spent unprotected because of him.

“B-Beauregard?”

She raised her head and sniffed, blinking awake from what seemed like meditation, but was probably a nap. “Hm? Yeah?”

Caleb watched Nott’s chest rise and fall for a moment. “Thank you. You were fast. Thank you.”

“Yeah, well…” Beauregard began, defensively. The corner of her mouth quirked upward and she leaned her head in, resting it briefly against Caleb’s. “You don’t have to thank me.”


	5. Passing Notes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beau is really bored.

It’s simple, obvious even. The code made perfect sense and the key was easy to follow.

Beau grimaced down at Caleb’s quick, scratchy cursive.

Okay, no, this shit made no sense at all.

Avantika’s cipher had been complicated. They had been incredibly lucky Caleb had even managed to decipher the damn thing in one night. If they hadn’t been under that sort of stress and time constraint, they might have let the poor guy sleep, but it just hadn’t turned out that way. In the end, luck remained on their side and Avantika was dead. Now, Beau had a page of her journal she’d ripped out herself and Caleb’s key and she had no idea where to start.

She wanted to learn the cipher. It could be useful, one of these days, to have a code that only the Nien could understand. Sure, at this point, the only other person who could read the overly complicated nonsense was Caleb, but if she learned it, they were already taking a step in the right direction.

She had a vague idea of how the code worked, but she found herself lost after an hour of staring at symbols and letters that just didn’t match up the way she wanted them to. She rubbed at her face, her eyes sore and neck straining. It was difficult learning and understanding Caleb’s key on her own. It was frustrating and it would probably amount to nothing if she was the only one who knew why she was learning it.

After a long night with a vague idea of how the code worked, she set aside her journal and tried to sleep.

 

The next morning, she found Caleb in his room, pouring over books she’d never seen before. She nudged him out of his own head and placed her journal down on the table. She didn’t want to bother him too badly. She wanted his help, after all, and annoying him would only cause him to turn her away.

“Hey, so, I’ve been studying this stuff and…”

Caleb eyes left her gaze and turned down to the cipher key that sat on top of her journal.

“I was just thinking,” Beau began, as a way of explaining herself, shrugging as nonchalantly as she could manage, “Not many people actually know this code. You know the code.”

Caleb nodded slowly, brows lowering skeptically.

“If I learn it too, it might come in handy... someday.”

“Oh,” Caleb said, seemingly supportive of her suggestion, “That could be useful.” Then, he turned the page of his book and his attention returning to the intricate lettering on the page. Beau frowned. Okay, no. That wasn’t quite how she wanted this conversation to go.

Beau reached forward, lightly touching the corner of Caleb’s book. She had momentarily thought about pulling it away from him, only to decide against it. She tapped the page instead, silently asking for his attention again.

His eyes flickered back up to watch her curiously.

“I was wondering if you would help me.”

Caleb blinked, surprised. He awkwardly muttered, “Uh, oh, sure…” He closed his book, pushed it aside, and reached out for her journal. “No time like the present.”

 

The following day, just after dinner, Beau caught a glimpse of Caleb writing on a torn slip of paper in her peripheral. He folded the slip of paper in half and slid it over to her across the table. 

“What’s that?” she asked, tapping her quill against her journal, leaving dark splotches across notes and terrible doodles. 

“Read it,” Caleb said, “and you’ll find out.”

“Sure, awesome,” Beau said, rolling her eyes, “Be cryptic. Not weird at all.” She picked up the folded page and found the symbols they’d both been messing with the past three days. “Oh,” she said, realizing that he wanted her to decode what he’d written. Excited to put her newly learned skills to use, Beau pressed the page flat onto the table and flipped her ruined paper over to the blank side.

“Don’t write it down.” Caleb interrupted her, shooing her hand away from the ink well. “If this is a code for us and not our enemies, you don’t want to leave evidence of what the note says.”

“…Right.” Beau nodded and set her quill down. That would make deciphering his message much harder. She could probably do it, though. They’d been working at explaining the intricacies of Avantika’s code in the quiet moments that had been made abundant recently. She must have had enough practice by now. So, she sat back and attempted to just read it.

It looked like there was probably G at the start, maybe a couple of Os in various spots… 

“’Good job’?” Beau eventually read aloud. “’You read this note’?”

“Yes,” Caleb nodded, smiling slightly, “Good job.”

“That’s it?” Beau asked, placing the note back down onto the table.

“I am proud of you,” he said, retrieving the page. He cleared his throat a moment later and readjusting his belonging on their table, carefully refusing to meet her eyes. “I mean, you should be - This is a difficult thing to learn. You should be proud.”

Beau, despite herself, smiled. She felt proud of herself and that didn’t happen often. She was proud of herself and Caleb seemed to think she should be. “Thanks, Caleb.”

\---

The drudgery of the tunnels just kept going. The darkness was only circumvented by the magical balls of light hovering above their heads and Caduceus’s staff. At some point, the boredom of it all began to eat at Beau. She had never missed the open ocean more than right now. Beau had thought she’d been ready to return to dry land, but if this was how it was going to be for much longer, she might just resort to something stupid. She needed to do something. That mushroom powder, Skein, Molly had found was still in her bag, after all. The group had stopped her from taking the rest of it once, but maybe if no one was looking, she’d get another chance.

When Caleb announced that it was finally nine O’clock, the group decided to finally call it a night and set up camp. Caleb had set up his bubble for the night and they all crowded in, thankful to finally sleep. Beau laid on her back, an arm behind her head, staring up at the dimly lit rock above them. Caleb was still awake amongst their snoring companions. Beau was sure of it, because one of his dim lights still illuminated the tiny cavern. After the first few nights underground, it had become painfully obvious that the pitch-black expanse surrounding them had been hard for those without dark vision to fall asleep in. Anything could be around the corner and when the tunnel grew narrow and the rock muffled most sounds, their remaining senses refused to accept the stillness as anything other than foreboding. So, Caleb had kept a light going for as long as he could, before he would eventually fall asleep himself. 

The light was still there though, so he was still awake.

Beau sat up to find Caleb hunched over one of his books, scribbling in it. Catching sight of her movement, he shut the book and set it aside.

“What’s that?” she asked, her voice feeling a little too loud. She had just wanted to know. He had seemed pretty engrossed in it.

Caleb frowned and rubbed absentmindedly at the bandages on his forearms. It was a habit she couldn’t ignore anymore, not with the implications behind it. She’d made him uncomfortable.

“One of my spell books,” he said, too easily, like it didn’t matter at all. “Just trying to copy down a few things.”

“Like what? Something useful, like the bubble?” she prodded, realizing that she was probably pushing too far. Whatever it was, he certainly didn’t seem to think it was any of her business. Before she could open her mouth to tell him he didn’t have to answer, Beau heard Jester stir in her sleep. She rolled over, blearily blinking awake for only a second. She bumped into Caduceus, who hardly reacted at all.

“It is not that interesting,” Caleb whispered. “As much as you love to learn, you would find this boring.”

That stung a bit. She supposed she had made it clear that his oversharing had bored her on a few occasions but hearing him say it felt wrong, like it held actual weight, like those moments hadn’t actually been as playful as she remembered. It had also sounded a bit sarcastic, but she could have been imagining it. A lot of things he said sounded sarcastic. She scoffed bitterly, “Yeah, probably.” 

Caleb shushed her and pointed toward the sleeping forms of their friends.

“Shush, yourself,” Beau hissed.

Caleb turned away and grabbed his book, placing it back into the holster he hid beneath his coat. They sat in silence for a while. That could have certainly gone… worse.

“…Can’t sleep?” Caleb asked quietly, breaking the silence. Possibly, because Beau had been sitting up for a while now and had made no attempt to lay down again.

“Yeah,” Beau murmured with a shrug and crossed her legs beneath her, “It’s actually kind of hard to feel like sleeping when you can’t tell if it’s day or night. I felt more like sleeping a few hours ago. You?”

Caleb nodded. “I know the time… I just don’t sleep much.”

“Then I guess we’re both on watch, then.” Beau ran a finger over the scuffed metal around her dark vision goggles. She thought about putting them on. She’d just see more tunnel, though. She didn’t want to see anymore tunnel.

Nott muttered in her sleep next. She pressed her back against Caleb’s leg and kicked at some sort of offending party in her dreams. Caleb placed a hand on her head and she settled down. “We should be quiet,” he muttered. “We will wake the others.”

Great, no talking. That would make this watch completely unbearable. It wasn’t like she had to be awake for any sort of watch, anyway. She could try to go to sleep and she wouldn’t have to be bored, but she'd already done that and she still wasn't tired. Instead, she grabbed for her bag and grabbed her journal and a pencil. If they couldn’t talk, they might as well write. Plus, she needed a bit of a refresher on that code. This hadn't been what she meant by the code 'being useful later', but at least it was actually coming in handy. At least it was fun.

 **I’m bored** , she wrote, **Let’s just write to each other.**

She looked over what she wrote, double checking that the symbols matched up with what she wanted to say in Common. When she was somewhat certain she was right, Beau passed her journal over to Caleb.

Caleb looked at the page for a moment and then smiled slightly. He grabbed his own pencil and began to write.

When he passed it back, he had added his own sentence.

**You’re always bored.**

Beau laughed quietly, surprised he'd responded at all, let alone in their code, and added, **Be more entertaining then** alongside, **It's not that late anyway.**

Caleb thought for a moment and replied, **It's ten minutes until one in the morning.**

 **Okay, that is pretty late. When are we gonna be out of these tunnels.** She frowned before handing it back, realizing that they never had a symbol that would translate to a question mark.

**Not sure. The Kryn were weeks ahead of us.**

**Are we going to be down here for weeks.**

Caleb frowned back at her, seemingly feeling sorry for her and for himself. **I don’t know.**

Well, shit. They really hadn’t thought this through, had they? Was this better than marching straight through a war zone? Possibly. Honestly, this whole trip was grating on her nerves and it didn’t help that it was doing the same to the rest of them.

**Would you like to continue Jester’s book. That might cure your boredom.**

**No. Waiting to read that when Jester and Nott are awake.**

Beau grabbed her bag and set it down behind her. She leaned against it and sighed. She’d have to sleep eventually, but she just didn’t feel like it. From the shadows, Frumpkin snuck through the bubble’s barrier and sat, staring up at Caleb. A moment later, he turned and lazily strolled toward Beau. He climbed onto her, digging his tiny paws into her abdomen, and curled up on her chest. Beau brought up her hand to rake her fingers through his fur. Frumpkin closed his eyes and purred softly.

Caleb held out her journal to her. Taking it, she read, **It’s one o'clock. Go to sleep.**

“You have to go to sleep too,” she whispered, realizing she couldn’t respond to him in writing.

He shushed her again and leaned back against the rock wall of the cavern. She watched him cross his arms over his chest and close his eyes. The light dimmed slightly, artificially, as he pretended he was attempting to fall asleep. Beau eventually closed her eyes too, her fingers carding through Frumpkin’s fur, and soon enough, she fell asleep, the rumbling of Frumpkin's purs filling her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's comments on the first 4 one-shots were so nice! Thank you so much! I wish I could get these out faster for you guys.


	6. Too Attached - Ep. 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beau doesn't want to burden anyone with her problems, but she's already gotten too close.

Caleb was down.

That wouldn’t have been a noteworthy sight had the blow that knocked him down not been dealt by a friend. The entire fight had gone downhill ever since Caleb had found himself under the charm of two demons and now it was obvious Yasha had suffered the same fate. 

Beau suddenly found her muscles seizing up and her lungs struggling to pull in air. Blood pooled beneath Caleb’s dirty frame, seeping into the tanned brown of his tattered coat. The icy cold that hung in the air of the cavern sunk deep into her bones, leaving her fingers numb. Beau curled her fingers back into her fists, attempting to warm them. She almost expected to see her breath upon her next exhale and snow on the ground. Only moments before, it had been slightly too warm for that.

The image of a sword became a glaive and Beau almost choked on her breath. She saw blood, lavender skin, a scruffy beard, fiery red hair, ruby eyes. The room practically wobbled before her eyes and for just a second, she thought she saw Molly lying there.

Yasha pulled her sword from Caleb, a sickening squelch meeting Beau’s ears as skin and muscle was torn just a bit further.

_A glave is pulled from Molly’s chest and he doesn’t get up. She silently begs him to move, but he doesn’t listen._

One second passes, then two, and Caleb doesn’t get up.

-

_Beau had nearly thrown up the rations she’d scarfed down hours prior when she knelt to push a handful of dirt onto Molly’s loosely wrapped body. Caleb knelt across from her, pushing in dirt into the shallow grave with unsteady hands. She cried and she hadn’t been coy about it. She’d been more angry than anything else, screaming her final goodbye to a friend she hadn’t realized she had. Caleb had been quieter in his grief and if he’d been unsettled by Beau’s display, he hadn’t shown it. He hid his face behind his hair and mumbled a few quiet words as he tucked purple curls away from Molly’s face. Beau still noticed how his shoulders shook and the tears that occasionally dripped from his chin. Nott had felt fairly absent through it all, unwilling to get too close after she'd refused to loot his body and drawing further into herself the more dirt they placed into the grave._

_That night, as snow fell from the sky, Beau curled herself into a ball and tried to stay warm in her robes. Caleb lay on the cold, hard dirt beside her, shivering far less than her in his thick coat. He said nothing to her. He just shifted closer as the wind blew harder._

_Beau clutched Molly’s cards in her hands and trembled. She didn’t know why she took them. Having a piece of him to keep with her seemed selfish. Beau had taken them anyway, convincing herself she’d give them back when he was alive again, whether by their help or crawling out on his own. She had probably been in denial when she’d taken his money too and decided they’d use it to pay someone to bring him back. It had been wishful thinking, but she hadn’t wanted to think about the finality of it then._

_Eventually, she curled into Caleb’s side, desperate for comfort and something to stave off the bitter cold, but uncertain if she really wanted to ask for it. Caleb let her stay there and Nott eventually found her way over, leaving Keg to take watch with their newly acquired ally, Nila. Beau, while uncertain of the decision, did not particularly care if either of them abandoned their camp in the night while the rest of them slept. Nott curled into Beau’s side, and the three of them fell asleep like that, the tears they’d shed burning their cheeks as the cold wind whipped past the tent’s flimsy barrier._

_It felt strange to wake up with only Caleb and Nott at her sides, but she clung to them, because they were all she had left. She’d hated it, but she didn’t know what she’d do if she lost them too. She didn’t even want to think about what the others might be going through or the possibility of there being no one left to save. She didn’t want to think at all._

_Caleb, strangely enough, made that easy. Nott, with all her previous poking and prodding, even in her grief, was happy to see Caleb take charge. He was their leader, at least until they had the others back, and Beau was willing to go along with it until that became a reality._

_She could still feel the icy dirt under her fingernails._

_Had the wound hurt too much to scream or had it been too quick for him to register the pain? Did he know he was going to die when he ran forward, yelling for Beau to move? He’d always been so quick to guard Caleb, so why save her?_

_He died with his eyes open. She couldn't pretend he'd just alseep._

\- 

Beau had been afraid she hadn't punched hard enough when Yasha grabbed her fist. For a split second, she was terrified she’d done nothing to dispel the magic and just managed to hurt and anger her. Instead, Yasha's beautiful and kind eyes met hers, her mind her own again. Beau didn’t even want the apology Yasha gave. She was just so happy she was back, so glad they could stop hurting each other and maybe all live to see another day. 

Moving away to allow Yasha the room to turn her rage in the correct direction, Beau attempted to realign herself and calm her racing heart. Caleb had gotten back up, unsteady on his feet, but as accurate with his slow spell as ever. 

Beau leapt forward, seeing her chance. She fully intended to end this fight. 

Her vision blurred and she barely registered that her own tears were the culprit. 

The demon’s heart was larger than she’d thought it would be. It sat heavy in her arms and it was awkward to hold. Her own heart was pounding out of her ribcage, but she took a moment and tried to laugh about it. 

Isn’t that funny? The thing had been almost over three feet taller than her and as wide as a house, yet she’d thought its heart would fit in the palm of her hand. She didn’t look quite as cool with an oversized muscle in her arms. She dropped it and tried to laugh. It came out a little too strained. 

\- 

Caduceus died with his eyes open. 

Caduceus wasn’t even still for all of six seconds before Jester was running to his side, a diamond clutched tightly in her fist. 

Even when the diamond burst over Caduceus’s chest, Beau couldn’t breathe. She didn’t know enough about magic, about illegal magic that brought people back from the dead, to know if that was a good thing or not. 

She was seeing black spots in her vision by the time Caduceus was breathing again and it took a hand smacking her in the back for her to start breathing too. 

Beau turned to glance behind her and Caleb was there, sweaty and covered in his own blood. She couldn’t tell if he was frowning at her or frowning through the pain. She glared, too uncertain of how her voice would sound to speak but desperate to know why he hit her back. He seemed to search her eyes for something and she hoped they conveyed a hardy ‘fuck you’. After a moment, he nodded and stepped away. 

Caduceus was up and healing everybody, like he hadn’t just died, in under a minute. Caleb took a moment to gather himself, but almost as quickly, he was wandering around in a circle trying to make the bubble he’d promised. Beau sat and watched, because that was all she could do. It wasn’t like she could punch anyone’s wounds away. 

Eventually, she felt sick of waiting, of feeling useless, and she grabbed the gloves she took from the demon's body. They were too large for her, comically large. She wondered if they were like Nott’s armor and, if she took the time to attune to them, they’d shrink to fit her hands. 

Jester laughed as Beau closed her eyes, because of course she did. She probably looked pretty funny. 

“What are they, Beau!” she teased, “Don’t be like Caleb. Tell us!” 

Beau blinked her eyes open again, concentration interrupted. 

“Leave her be,” Caleb mumbled, pulling off his coat. He grimaced when the wet fabric stuck to his skin. His books seemed alright, though, which was probably all he cared about. 

“Caleb,” Jester pouted, but it sounded more annoyed than usual. 

Caleb pulled away, glancing between her and Beau. He stayed quiet this time. Jester, despite her pouting, heeded Caleb’s request and tried to remain quiet. Beau closed her eyes again and tried to focus, shutting out everything but the magic properties of the gloves. She didn’t stop until the fabric fit comfortably around her hands. 

Beau opened her eyes and flexed her fingers. Tiny sparks of lightning jumped across her knuckles. She smiled. 

\- 

As they spread out their bedrolls, Beau nudged Caleb, settling down beside him. “What time is it?” 

Caleb blinked, eyes unfocused, staring down at his hands for a moment. Beau hesitated, worried he didn’t know and what that might mean. 

“Around dawn,” Caleb said, nodding as he became more certain, “Just past 7 O’clock.” 

“I think I’ll sleep all day,” Fjord grumbled and slumped into his own bedroll, “If we can… Should we keep watch?” 

“We’re probably fine with just the bubble,” Caduceus suggested. Beau didn’t know why hearing his voice rattled her. 

The bubble went up and they got themselves situated. They would normally huddle together, monopolizing the space of the bubble while also staying close enough not to roll outside of it in their sleep. Today, they spread apart a bit. As Beau laid down beside Caleb, unwittingly becoming a barrier between Caleb, Yasha, and Jester’s skeptical eye, she took note of the distance but said nothing about it. 

_Don't get too close_ , she'd thought to herself. 

\- 

Beau’s heart pounded in the dark and she didn’t know why. Caleb rolled in his sleep beside her and Nott grumbled as she was pushed away from Caleb’s side. Yasha hummed to herself in broken little notes that were barely audible, the rhythm slowing as sleep overtook her. Caduceus snored just a little louder. None of it drowned out the pounding of her heart in her ears. 

When Caleb mumbled and sniffled in his sleep, Beau already had her hand on his back. She’d discovered that, whether it was a hand on his shoulder or on his back, the contact kept him in the present. Her mother used to rub her back when she cried, back when Beau was little and her mother still cared enough to spend time with her. Sometimes, she wondered if Caleb’s mother had done the same for him. 

Unfortunately, that morning, it didn’t do as much as it normally did. Caleb woke up, despite everything, tensed the muscles beneath her hand, and pulled away from her. 

Beau took her hand away and curled around her bedroll. She knew when she wasn’t wanted. 

She pressed her face into the furs of her bedroll and bit back the sobs that tried to force themselves from her throat. Beau still couldn’t sleep and, despite her best efforts, she cried. No matter how quiet she tried to be, her sobs still echoed against the cavern walls. 

Caleb shifted again, but Beau didn’t have the energy to reach out and help him. He didn’t seem to want her to anyway. 

Beau realized she was probably keeping people awake and tried to close her eyes, regulate her breathing, and slow her heart rate. She just wanted to sleep. She knew everything was fine. She had never felt this poorly about a battle before. The tide had turned in their favor near the end and everything had been fine. Winning had always felt so good in the past. Everything was fine, so she didn’t understand why it didn’t feel that way. 

Caleb’s palm pressed into her back bringing her out of her thoughts. 

“Caleb?” she whispered, and Caleb pats her back instead of responding. 

“What are you doing?” Beau cleared her throat after her voice cracked, “Why are you awake?” She felt annoyingly self-conscious. She was normally so forthright with whatever negative emotion she was feeling at a given moment, but, for some reason, the idea of Caleb knowing she’d been crying, irked her. 

Caleb sighed. “I was awake and I am… I’m trying to help.” 

“Seriously?” Beau hissed, mostly confused. 

“Don’t laugh,” he replied, making her want to do the opposite. 

Beau laughed a quiet huff through her nose. She scrubbed her eyes free of tears and noticed her heart wasn’t beating quite as fast as it had been before. 

“I’m not laughing,” she lied and took a deep breath, “I’m not… but I thought this sort of thing was my job.” She gestured vaguely to the hand on her back. 

“What?” 

“Nothing. Never mind.” 

“Who told you that?” 

“No one.” 

Caleb rubbed circles into her back. “You are upset.” 

Beau sniffled, unhappy with how difficult it was to breathe through her nose now. “Yeah, I guess I am. I know everything is fine now, but…” 

“I am upset too,” Caleb confessed and struggled to find her eyeline in the dark. “The others seem upset as well.” 

Beau frowned, disappointed she had refused to take the time to notice. “Maybe, we can all talk about it?” 

“I would certainly like to do that. I may have a few things I want to say too…” Caleb paused in rubbing her back, “Better?” 

Beau smiled faintly. “A little.” 

“Gut.” Caleb hesitated for a moment before taking his hand back, nodding to himself like he was surprised that had actually gone well. He rolled over to face the ceiling and Nott, half asleep and grumbling to herself, returned to the spot she’d been moved from, pressed her cheek into Caleb’s other shoulder, and fell asleep again. 

Beau smiled and closed her eyes. Eventually, she was less aware of her heartbeat and fell asleep, surrounded by the friends she wasn't supposed to have made. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone mentioned that Caleb had nearly died in a similar way to molly, unconscious with a sword above him and I couldn’t get the image out of my head. I also noticed that Beau started to cry a little before she took down that bull demon and listen, she keeps helping others feel better. I just want someone to help her feel better. That’s all I ask.
> 
> I know I already wrote a separate fic about this episode, but I change my mind. I like this better. It’s also an excuse to write a bit about episode 26/27, because I really feel like that was the turning point in Beau’s friendship with Caleb.


End file.
